My mother, a staunch feminist in practice if not in name, would tell me, “if you see something, say something.” But the messages I got from everywhere else is that only desperate women made the first move, and men don’t like it when a woman plays “the man’s role.” My job was to show up and look as pretty as possible and an interested man would take it from there.
I could give you anecdotes about how backward that line of thinking is, but you’ll probably be more swayed by new research that says women making the first move is very good — at least online.
In fact, my ex approached me on a dance floor; she walked right up to me and asked to dance.
I was a little taken back because it is not the norm; however, her confidence impressed me and I was attracted from the get-go.
Eventually, one of the women approached me and asked me a question I’ve been asked many times before by singles and experts:“Do you think women should email men when online dating? ” Not only is it okay to email men when dating online, it’s a useful tactic. But research has shown that in social and courtship interactions, women — not men — are often the initiators. Sure, not all the men you contact will reply, but that’s normal.
By merely sending a guy a friendly email, you buck the system and stand out, putting you front and center on his radar.The next time God gives you an opportunity to run into your “interest” (and if it’s of God, He will), just ask if he’d like to get together…a time. You mention you have similar interests, look for a chance to share in one of those activities with him.If it’s music, see if there’s something happening in your area.I remember the day my mind changed about making the first move. I’d called off of work for a desperately needed personal day. He’d been looking at me, and I’d been looking at him, each of us exchanging timid smiles, but neither of us had approached, much less said a word. I came back from a dip in the water and saw he’d put his shirt on. But there was a lone, well-built stranger to my right.But no matter how many cute guys I spotted, I never said anything, not unless a guy approached me first.I’m not sure where I got the idea that it was a man’s job to do the approaching.Whatever the situation, we should always try to be in our actions; taking advantage of every scenario open to us.Too often we bury our chances (or gifts) before we even start for fear of what may happen or in consideration of “what if.” Opportunities are short-lived and we shouldn’t allow them to get away without at least trying.SEE ALSO: How to Handle Flirtation without Being Led On Although texting and private messaging has become more of the norm, I suggest you ask directly if he would like to join you for coffee, a concert, a group activity or whatever.Otherwise it becomes too easy to misread a response, non-response or delayed response.