This should be the easiest thing in the world, but I can’t tell you how many people have written to me in French when it clearly states that I don’t speak French (apologetically) on my profile. smart, funny, etc.) BUT BE WARNED NEVER compliment a girl on something you can’t back up from her profile. No chick wants to hear that you love her in a first message. And the same goes for anything mushy, poetic, artsy, creative (unless funny) or that shows you wearing your delusional heart on your sleeve. So settle down, send a calm message, and hope for the best. of yours, do not give her a list of your latest accomplishments, a copy of your CV and the entire menu of your last night’s meal. The truth is, the first message is more about expressing your interest in her.
But the truth is, girls assume if you’re contacting her you think she’s attractive so it’s best to stick to compliments about something they said in their profile (or what you gathered about their personality ie. Don’t talk about how she seems super fun and upbeat if all her pictures are posed and straightfaced and her profile is laced with emo references and Twilight slang, etc. Keep it short, keep it simple, do not go over the top. I don’t know what romantic comedies lead you boys astray but come on. While it’s okay to mention a quality/characterisitc/hobby/skill/interest/etc.
If you’re a risk taker you can compliment her hair which goes over amazing about 50% of the time…but has also been known to completely bomb. Eyes and smile (not mouth or lips) are okay and if you really feel compelled you can use words like beautiful or stunning (which I get all the time, and I guess it goes over well, at the very least it doesn’t work against). The truth is, girls are smarter than you’re giving us credit for. And even if we would’ve given you a chance, we likely won’t now since your lazy message tells us you think we aren’t worth it. The same thing goes for saying anything that demonstrates you didn’t do step 1 above.
So now that you know how to make it work, let’s have a look at a few things you’ll want to be weary of. For the love of god don’t say curvy, sexy, hot, tits, ass, hips, legs, or anything in this realm.
We have combined our own research with a 2009 Ok Trends study to develop comprehensive advice for sending your first message.
In the study, Ok Cupid analyzed 500,000 first messages on their website to determine which ones had the best response rates. First and foremost we would like to stress the importance of proper spelling and grammar.
Online dating gives you a bit of an advantage in that you can strategically plan that first message so it hits home with a bit of a punch. The key is really just to have something other than everybody else’s Hi, Hey, Hello without shooting too far and hitting her with Hot Tits or something equally stupid. Do not use compliments that are body related in any sense. After all, you wouldn’t show up to a first date in your pajamas, so try not to look like you’re asleep in your first message. Using the example of Bon Jovi from earlier the title could be anything like “Bon Jovi” or “80s Rock” or “Similar Music Tastes” or even something unrelated to your message but from her profile. Expressing amusement shows you have a sense of humor, and the casual nature of these terms allows you to "lower your guard," in a sense. You should also avoid writing a boring autobiography explaining who you are; if people are interested they can read your profile or ask.And do not suggest the two of you meet up, or even exchange numbers or email addresses.Your first message determines the initial impression you make, and only about one-third of first messages even receive a reply.A common theme of success in sending your message is to be intelligently casual. And I know this seems tedious because you might message 10 chicks and only get 1 response back but it matters, and it’s probably what got the 1 chick. But seriously, I know this seems obvious and straightforward but I can’t express how important this is…even if by the end, you’re still only messaging because you think she’s a babe. If you’re not reading it for you, you’re still reading it for her. Women don’t like being told they’re “sexy” or “pretty” by someone who’s never met them; it comes across as insincere.Instead, use complimentary words like “cool” or “fascinating.” Don’t worry about trying to write the perfect first message on an online dating site if you happen to be very good-looking.