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They would almost never do so for a man—not because they're shy, but because they don't care. Anyway, let’s discuss this Stern: Ideally fit; at a minimum, thin.

Waldman: Guys make those comments sort of carelessly. I mean, you should totally have one if you want one—”). Muscular, without being horrifically overdeveloped—you never want to look steroidal, but you want to look like you're committed to working out.

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I just got the impression from his essay that Peitzman felt he was “disappointing” other gay men by not looking perfect.

Stern: I don't think a fat gay man is seen as shaming the entire community, necessarily; he's just not representing his sexuality very well and won't be seen as particularly attractive. These norms are changing, and they aren't universal.