Dating when your 40

Use that wisdom that comes with age to carefully assess what you need — and to identify any red flags and non-negotiables that appear early on.

If you’re coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship, don’t rush back into dating if you’re not emotionally ready for someone new.

Or so Carrie Bradshaw would have you believe; and she is mostly right.Be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship from the beginning.An advantage to dating later in life is that you should know yourself better than you did in your younger years. Women who are dating want to know this; especially women who are divorced and over 40, and haven’t been dating for some time.They also want to know how they can tell if sex is all he wants. The truth is that whether you’re dating at 20, 40, or 70 you’re going to question how long you should wait – and he will wait – before you get intimate.This is one of life’s big mysteries but sometimes I think the key is identifying the right places to look. When you’re over 40, you’re usually pretty comfortable in your own skin You know what you like, and what you don’t.Maybe you would prefer to hang out at cafes, museums, film festivals and art galleries.How women present themselves is a topic about which I can speak more knowledgeably.First, it would appear that, upon reaching a certain age, women in the Boston area are required to sign up for yoga. Many grown women for some reason also make a point of referring to themselves as “girls,” sometimes even working this word into their user names.We waited a long time to focus on settling down, and now we’re facing a somewhat distressing fact of life: Once you’re over 40, there is a diminished pool of men to choose from.So we figured out – and accepted – that the right man does not magically appear when you’re ready for him.