Home of the TOP 100 funny one-liners, sayings, quotes, jokes and proverbs! You can view random funny one-liners by using our one-liner randomizer.Are you a fan of famous quotes, funny one-liners, cute sayings, english proverbs or just plain silly short jokes? It serves you with a random selection of funny one-liners.Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! ” So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting.“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone 0 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from .00 to ,000, was what he was told. The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. ” “Oh my gosh” gushed Greta, “I’m so glad you called, I knew I said yes to somebody but I just couldn’t recall who it was!
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Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license? It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!
“But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. ” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” His brow furrows and he straightens up. ” She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him. ” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty… ” The neighbors thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again.
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