APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER Date: Fri, -0500 APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.) a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is _________________ b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________ c) A woman's place is in the __________ d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________ e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is __________ (NOTE: If your answer begins with 'T" or "A", discontinue. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back). __________ Yes, please accept my application __________ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...
_________________________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____________ C. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____________________ E. Do you plan to attend a Catholic or Christian College? ____________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________ Signature( That means your name, moron) Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED ' YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________ 5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________ 6. ___________________________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________ 7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________ 8. _________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________ 4. A tattoo_________________ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises ) 9. ____________________ _______________________________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Please do not try to call or write (this action will void this application). _________________________________________________________ 12. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice is _____________________ (NOTE: If the answer to "E" begins with a B, T, or A, discontinue and leave the premises immediately with your head hung low.) 15. _____________________ Signature (That means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________ 2. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. _____________________________________________________________________ 12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________ 13. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ' ABSTINENCE' mean to you? __________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. I HIGHLY SUGGEST RUNNING AS I AM A DAMNED GOOD SHOT.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does ' LATE' mean to you ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ' DON' T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?